“Comedy” traffic school

I got to spend the day today in traffic school. The traffic school I went to was called “Pizza 4 U Great Comedians”. No “and” in there, no comma, just that. Instead of a great comedian, our teacher was a morbidly obese old man who complained non-stop about his health in general, his heart condition in particular, and the fact that he can’t retire. He had obviously never gotten over being turned down at the police academy, as evidenced by his numerous stories about all his cop friends, the fact that he’s part of the San Bernardino “Citizen’s Patrol”, and how much he loves doing police and CHP ride-alongs.

These things, plus the complaining, were not his comedy routine. His comedy routine consisted of his reading us cop and driving related jokes that had been e-mailed to him and bursting into song at the slightest provocation. Needless to say, he couldn’t sing either. Among other things, he treated us to his rendition of three songs from West Side Story, the low point being I Feel Pretty. I was in hell.

Other memorable moments featured a little subtle racism, a couple prison rape jokes, and a statement implying that Africa is a country.

Comments

hexed says:

Ah… the joys of traffic school.

I’m convinced that they’re not meant to be “educational” so much as being meant to give us flashbacks to detention back when we were kids.

The only thing I’ve learned in traffic school is that the Del Taco across the street from the Irvine Courthouse serves beer. And is that ever a lifesaver after your first two hours there when they give you a 15 min. break. Oh the beers we rushed through on that little smoke break. Then again at lunch and again at three. It’s the only way my group of “detention friends” and I got thru those days.

Wow… now that I think about it… it was almost exactly like saturday detention in highschool. Except that then the beer came in backpacks.

kchrist says:

This class was held in a storefront just a few doors down from a bar I occasionally hang out at. The temptation was great, but I resisted it.

kartoffel says:

How was the pizza?

My mom went to comedy and pizza traffic school and she said the comedy sucked but the pizza was pretty decent.

kchrist says:

It was from Papa Johns, so it was pretty decent. There’s a Pizza Hut in the same center where the class was held and I was afraid it was going to be from there, but we got lucky.

Sharon says:

I just went to a Pizza 4 U traffic school…I might venture to say that my instructor was even worse. The first thing he said was “I smoked mushrooms last night, so I’m so nauseous, give me a second”, he left the room during the afternoon to do meth, spent an hour talking about how he wants to do three 17 year old girls at the same time, another half hour just talking about the cleavage in the room, and the rest of the time talked about his genitals and the random strippers he had done it with. One of the worst experiences of my life. He didn’t talk about traffic even once.